Long weekend, and a long race in Long Pond.

 First off I am a little steamed right now being that my computer just crashed worse than Kyle Busch at Talladega and i lost my entire entry from this passed weekends events. DAMB COMPUTERS!! I will do my best to recreate what was surely a blue ribbon report on my first experience at a race. I am forever changed after last weekends events. We pulled into the Pocono Speedway on Friday evening at about 7:00. The traffic caused us to miss the practice sessions so we did what most people do when parked in the infield of a Superspeedway, we raided the coolers, began to mingle with the neighbors, and started to grill some choice cuts of meat. Being that this was my farewell to bachelorhood weekend my brother thought it would be a great idea to have some of the passers by enlighten me with some advice on tying the knot. We are talking Yodaesque wisdom being bestowed on me. One lubricated race fan decided to let me in on a little secret, he told me "there is one food that a woman will eat in her life that will cause her to never want to have sex again" I eagerly asked what it was so I would never make such a horrible mistake and purchase this mysterious food, he then hit me with the punch line "wedding cake". He went on to tell me that i should take his advice very seriously, and that he was an expert in the field of marriage being that he had been married 3 times already. Another adviser let me know about the two words that cast a voodoo like spell over the future of your sexual gratification, those words, "I DO".  although I was very appreciative of this information, I escaped into the Prevost bus to regain some sanity and then decided I would go for a little stroll to take in the scene, and scope out any late night parties. To my surprise  there was not much going on. I was expecting an all in soiree to be erupting all over the infield, but by 3 am there was little to be found on the party front so I returned back to base camp. A few short hours later I realized why there was such a non existent late night scene. I was quickly awakened by the thunderous sound of the NASCAR alarm clock that was set for 10 am invading my pleasant dreams of puppies and kittens. This metaphorical alarm clock I speak of was indeed the first practice session of the mourning. Aha! this is why the scene was so dead late in the night. The more experienced race fans knew that they had better get some sleep because once the cars hit the track there was no chance of sleeping in. I hit the back lounge of the for a mourning refreshment and began to see the cars roaring passed the window of the bus. Soon enough I began to float towards the exit of the bus like a cartoon character that just had its nose tickled by the smell of the roast in the oven. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Outside of the bus the sound of the cars was 10 times as loud. This was it, this is what everyone who has ever been to a race was talking about. This was the thunder! I ran over to the fence and just stood in amazement, I got chills the first time the 88 made a pass. Then the 20 zoomed by followed by the 24, the 48, the 18, well you get the picture. Friday night was a blast but the weekend had officially begun now that I had seen and felt the cars on the track.
    We ate to the point of repletion, I am talking eggs, bacon, sausage. steaks, and that was just breakfast. In fact it could be said that all day Saturday was spent killing time between shoveling munch into out bellies. To further explain just how much gluttony was going on here is a statistic for you, I gained 16 pounds over the weekend. Granted most of it was water or um should I say beer weight, but regardless it was quite an achievement. Propers go out to my little bro Nick for manning the grill all weekend and keeping us well fed. We decided to go for another stroll and soak in the culture.  The infield was filling up and  really starting to rock out. I must say that NASCAR fans display more ingenuity then any other genre of people that walk this planet. Crows nests on top of buses, scissor lifts, one guy simply had a ladder leading to the roof of his trailer but at the top he had set up the seat he removed from his Ford Econoline van as well as a beach umbrella and a cooler of course. It was like i was surrounded by a flock of Macgyvers. One guy had a belt that could hold up to twelve beers in insulated coozies. Now that is the way to stroll the infield i thought, our problem was we kept having to go back to the bus for more beers, limiting how far we could ultimately adventure away from our home. If only I had a belt that could hold a 12 pack then I would be set for the day! next time Mike, next time.
    Saturday night  the party scene was more happening. we stumbled across a group of fans that had a slip and slide set up in their "yard". Another area had some disco music blasting from a PA that they had set up and a party was instantly started. I called my fiance to check in on her and let her know i had not been swallowed by the monster. This turned out to be a poor choice being that i had been drinking since 10 am and it was now passed midnight. But it was her birthday and i wanted to wish her a happy one. Thats right she let me go to the Pocono race for my bachelor party on her birthday, she is a keeper! So anyway  guess i was not very articulate in my present state of mind, so she asked my "what is wrong with you, you sound like an idiot" I replied "when in Rome" haha.
She let me off the hook and told me to continue enjoying myself.
A roomer began to circulate around the bus that there is an area that you can take a shower at for $5. This news was heaven sent. But the problem was none of us brought towels. Man did that vendor make a killing of of us, she must have sold us 6 towels at $10 bucks a shot.  Being New Yorkers we tried to peddle with her but she was not going to budge. All I can say is that was that best shower in the trailer of a semi I had ever taken in my life.
    Sunday morning at around 6 am I woke up to my stomach grumbling. I am talking urgency here, so I waisted no  time and started the mile walk to the facilities. Oh sweet relief! Sorry for including that but there is a point to It promise. First off why such a long walk to the facilities? How about placing some more porta johns strategically around the infield. The other reason for including this anecdote  was so i can describe how weird the scene was at 6am in the Pocono infield. It was a cross between people who had not gone to bed yet and people who had just got up, scary like Norman Bates  scary! The sun was starting to rise in the east, the sky was that amazing hue of pink that is only seen at dawn, some people were jogging, others still  boozing it up, and me making my mad dash to the toilet.  How's that for a colorful analysis of a Pocono Sunday mourning.  I went back to sleep for a few more hours. When I woke up I called my fiance again with no recollection of the previous nights call, and again wished her a happy birthday this time to her answering machine. A few of us ventured over to the shopping village that we had bought the towels from so we could get some race worthy gear. I had done a good job so far fending off the ultra violet rays of the sun and in no way wanted to end up like my badly burned buddy Justin, so I bought a Dale Jr hat to keep the sun off my face. I was tempted to buy some Kyle Busch gear but was afraid i would not make it back to the bus alive.
     Race time, had finally arrived and we were all getting psyched up. We gathered up our chairs and coolers and took a place along the fence inside turn 3. I was so amped up I was cheering as loud as I could every pass for the first 10 laps or so. None of us had rented scanners so we periodically made our way back into the AC of the bus to watch some of the race on the flat screen and cool off. It was hard to keep up with what was going on being that we could not see the leaderboard, but I was able to keep a grip on who was the leader and the top 5 or so. The final lap we see the 9 roar by for the win! and just like that the race was over. The drivers complained after that it was too long of a race,  but for us it went by all too quickly. The traffic leaving Long Pond went unnoticed being that i was passed out before we even moved from our spot.

It was a long, hot and eventful weekend, and now that I have popped the NASCAR cherry I can not wait to return next year! Thats right, we are going annual with this thing boys!

A truly changed man,
Michael Clark (emsea)